


Feelings I nursed in my cold heart

by TheMightyChester



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Breastfeeding, F/M, Femdom, Lactation, Married Couple, This isn't mommy kink but you know Camilla would be up for it tbh, hazy post-revelations setting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-29 22:40:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16752814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMightyChester/pseuds/TheMightyChester
Summary: This wasn't what Takumi had in mind when he asked Camilla to feed him again.





	Feelings I nursed in my cold heart

“Camilla.”  
Camilla turned away from the door she had been glancing out of and towards Takumi instead, and for about the hundredth time that week, he was struck with the feeling that surely the last few months and the extravagant wedding ceremony they'd had a few days before had been nothing but a dream as intangible as Valla's shade soldiers, because the idea that such a radiant beauty was now sharing his life was just _preposterous_.  
That she had changed to a Hoshidan style outfit certainly didn't help. Over the course of the war, he'd become desensitised to Camilla's armour, after days being treated both to the sight of her in battle and to suspiciously frequent closeups of her chest whenever she hugged him. And when they'd become intimate, the sight of her naked body had become a little less daunting, although he still felt like he'd made a fool of himself during their wedding night, seeming almost reticent out of nervosity until his body betrayed how excited he really had been. But ever since they'd moved back to Hoshido and into their new aisle of the castle… Well, he certainly couldn't _blame_ Camilla for trying to adapt to the local customs—really, it warmed his heart more than anything, but—Camilla was still Camilla no matter where she went, and anything she more just seemed to become her own just by virtue of how outside normal human comprehension she was, and— _anyway_ , the point was that kimono were not _made_ for Camilla's level of curves, and in her usual fashion she'd adapted where she could (or wanted) and just embraced the rest as herself and the combination was a distinct way of wearing it that would have been scandalous if Camilla hadn't defined elegance just by existing. On her, it was breathtaking and nothing else, and he was already resigning himself both to the whispers that would probably come that his wife was _corrupting the youth_ by starting a fashion and to the fact that he wasn't going to be freed from chronic smothering against skin anytime soon.  
“Yes, Dear?” she asked, extending her hand lightly towards him. On reflex, he took the few steps between them and took it in his, and tried his best not to blush when she smiled radiantly at him. He was a married man, damn him!  
“Would you walk with me a little?”  
The room Camilla favoured opened directly to the gardens, and she seemed to like them so much that he was glad he'd requested this particular area of the castle, and not something higher.  
“Of course.”

“Is something troubling you?” she asked a few minutes later, as they passed under the shade of some trees, their view of the garden at large mostly obscured.  
Takumi somehow didn't stumble.  
“Wh—what makes you think that?”  
“You were unusually serious when you asked me for a walk. If you'd just wanted my company, I would have expected an excuse or some flustering.”  
I was plenty flustered already, Takumi thought, but she was right, and he was going to _continue_ being serious, as a Hoshidan prince should be! He took a deep breath, and forced himself to look at her.  
“Have I done something to displease you?”  
This time (for once), it was her turn to come up short, frozen in surprise.  
“… what ever made you think that?”  
“I… it's just… you used to keep trying to feed me,” he admitted, thoroughly embarrassed both by the admission and by the fact that after having complained about it so often, he actually _missed_ it.  
“Oh… well, since you seemed to find it infantilising, I thought I should stop… especially since we're now husband and wife. Was I wrong?”  
Takumi bit his lip. He'd thought his wife had just taken his pathological need to deny and fight everything every step of the way until he was completely _sure_ he wanted it in stride. If she'd stopped because of it, though, he would have to be more careful. Beyond the embarrassment of having to admit he did want something after all, maybe he had the potential to actually hurt her feelings for real.  
Camilla always looked so poised, so in control. But that didn't mean she didn't have feelings; the quiet nights they'd spent talking about their pasts and dreams had taught him that, often painfully.  
“I… I admit it _is_ embarrassing… but now that we've spent all this time together, I came to… to appreciate… the care that it embodies… I truly am honoured by your attention—in general—so…”  
Slowly, Camilla smiled, warmer than the summer sun the trees sheltered them from. Takumi swallowed lightly and coughed to find his countenance again.  
“What I mean to say is… if you wish to do it again, I wouldn't be opposed. The feelings behind it are something I treasure, and I would be saddened to have them restrained by my hand.”  
Camilla chuckled.  
“So solemn. You don't need such a grand declaration, Takumi dear… but it is very sweet. Adorable, even.”  
Takumi blushed, and forced himself not to turn away, just coughing lightly instead.  
“I hope the contents of the message are as pleasing as you find its form.”  
“Oh, definitely. So,” she added, smiling wider now, and that smile was almost like the one she had on the battlefield, “you want me to feed you again.”  
Takumi stayed frozen. Suddenly having to actually _say_ it was much harder, now that he didn't have long sentences to hide behind.  
Camilla just smiled at him, not giving him any escape by moving, and the more the seconds passed, the more he was staring to feel like he was on the opposite end of her axe _again_.  
Behind him, a knocking noise made him jump as a bamboo fountain spilled and tapped against its stone, snapping him out of his torpor.  
“I—yes. Yes I do. If that's what you wish, of course,” he added hastily.  
Camilla grinned, and before he could react, he was pulled into a hug again. Thankfully, he knew how to manage his air by now.  
“Teehee… I'm so happy…”  
All the fight went out of him. Camilla smiled often, but it was rare to see her actually _happy_. He hoped that he could make it happen often as her husband, but every moment she was was one he cherished.  
“If that's really how you feel,” she said quietly, bending so her lips were close to his ear, “then maybe I should spoil you a little.”  
“I— if you want,” he sighed. He could make up for having made her doubt herself, at least.  
“Then~” she hummed, releasing him just enough to tilt his chin with one of her elegant fingers, “will you indulge me and wait a little longer? I have something in mind, but I need some time to prepare.”  
In truth, Takumi thought, she didn't need to prepare anything special. Any of their meals could be an occasion, without her resorting to any extravagant cooking. But if she wanted to mark the occasion, well, who was he to refuse?  
“Of course.”  
Camilla smiled, and she looked so in love that Takumi had to remind himself not to swoon a little.  
“Thank you. Well, shall we continue our walk? I'd like to get to the pond before the sun sets.”  
“Ah—yes.”  
He offered her his hand, pulling away, and they slowly made their way along the winding path, surrounded by nothing but nature and quiet and the occasional rustle of water or leaves.

Days passed, then a week, then another. Takumi almost forgot about the issue, reassured at least that she wasn't angry at him, although every now and then his curiosity came back: what could she possibly need that would take so long? Surely even ingredients that came from Nohr would have made their way to them by now, especially with the new roads Xander had been building. But every time he thought to bring up the issue, her words echoed in his mind again, “humour me,” and he kept silent. Really, there was no harm in waiting.

And then, after another couple of weeks, when he'd all but forgotten, he walked into one of their rooms only to find her humming, arranging some cushions on the floor as if she'd wanted to lean on them to read, as she did sometimes. She turned immediately as she heard him, and beamed, and he knew with absolute certainty that she was up to something.  
At least, these days, those things weren't likely to be murderous.  
“Takumi, darling. Do you have any more meetings for the day?”  
“No, thankfully. There were enough arguments as is. Why they want to enforce an import tax so strongly, I'll never understand,” he sighed, walking up to her. She reached to massage his scalp, and he immediately felt his headache start to fade. Whatever those Nohr healers had taught her, they knew what they were doing.  
“They want to preserve their traditions, I suppose,” she said. “If products from Nohr are more easily available, the fashionable effect could make the youth embrace them enough to reduce their business.”  
“Is that tradition or economic interest?” he sighed. “Nevermind, I didn't get out of there to talk about it even more. Have you eaten yet?” Sharing a meal with her was sure to raise his spirits.  
Immediately, she laughed, and he was reminded of how strangely she'd been asking.  
“Actually, on that topic, you have perfect timing. Do you remember what you told me the other day, when we were walking in the garden?”  
They had had many walks since then, Camilla still being new enough to the castle that new walks brought new discoveries, especially with the changing season, but he immediately knew which she meant, as if the thought had just been hovering at the back of his mind the entire time.  
“… that I missed you feeding me,” he said, without wavering. At least all that time to contemplate it had made the words easier to say.  
She smiled.  
“Exactly. Well, I have a surprise for you—if you want it, of course.”  
“I—I can't know that unless you show me, can I?”  
Her smile sharpened into an almost smirk, and she reached for the collar area of her clothes, loosening them. Immediately, Takumi tensed—no one would come in without knocking first, of course, but _what did undressing have to do with food_ , was she just making a joke about sexual appetite? Was this her way of telling him that he hadn't been satisfying her? It _was_ true he'd been too tired to initiate anything for the last few days, but he would have been willing if she'd _tried_ —  
Instead of moving to her obi to loosen it too, as he expected, Camilla simply reached inside her clothes and pulled out one of her breasts, letting it rest cradled by the opened fabric.  
Takumi stared. The sight of her breasts was nothing new—he'd become quite intimately acquainted with them, numerous times—but the action was so far removed from what he expected that he forgot how to react altogether. And the way it rested there, propped up almost as if on a cushion, made it mesmerising. He simply couldn't take his eyes away.  
“You see,” Camilla said, brightly and conversationally, “when I was younger, I became curious about what my body could actually do… I was eager to find goals and purpose that weren't just killing. And it turns out that you can make quite extraordinary things happen with enough dedication.”  
She reached for it again, and pressed her fingers into it, above and under the nipple, then pinched lightly and pulled. A few white drops beaded on the surface, and Takumi's brain stopped functioning.  
Without waiting for an answer, she released her nipple and gathered the drops on her index finger, bringing it to her mouth and licking them off.  
“I hear breast milk is quite nutritious.”  
Takumi stared. And stared some more. A minute passed, and still he failed to regain the ability to do anything else.  
Finally, Camilla intervened.  
“Well?”  
“Th—that's not what I'd meant,” Takumi all but squeaked.  
She smiled, gently.  
“Oh, I know. But I thought you might enjoy it. Of course, this doesn't stop me from feeding you the usual way too.”  
She really is talking about feeding, his brain screamed, finally coming back to life. Just touching her breasts had been a daunting experience at first; the idea of putting his mouth there, of actually dr—  
“Is this a Nohrian custom,” he blurted out as his brain stopped functioning again.  
She chuckled.  
“No. Call it personal taste. Well? Will you allow me?”  
And just like that, his world came back into alignment, because if it was about something _she_ wanted, about allowing her to do what she wanted, well, of course he would. Why would he refuse her?  
He nodded silently, then quietly pushed out a raspy “yes.”  
She smiled, bright and warm, and he definitely couldn't refuse _that_.  
“What… what do I have to do?” he asked her, weakly.  
“Oh, just make yourself comfortable. Maybe your clothes need a little loosening too?”  
“I…” Just a few months ago, he'd have felt too nervous to break decorum in such a way. But being married to someone like Camilla did Things to your standards of what was normal or acceptable (and not even always bad things! He was ready to admit it!), and getting a little undressed in private… might be something he could accept. At any rate, he wasn't planning on leaving their wing any more for the day, so…  
He reached for his belt and unwrapped it part of the way through, then made it up again, looser. And then he was out of excuses.  
Camilla extended an inviting arm towards him. He gave her his hand, and let her pull him down to her lap, guiding him to half-sit, half-lay against her so she could cradle him. Up close, her scent was overwhelming, especially as her skin was still warm and dampened with the sweat of wearing several layers of clothes, but had been put right in front of his face. He realised with a groan that he could tell the scent of her breasts from the way the rest of her body smelled, and he could have died from the embarrassment if he wasn't already busy trying not to panic about the nipple that was just in front of him.  
Suddenly, he didn't feel so sure. He had never brought his mouth to her nipples before, and now he couldn't make himself.  
“Nervous?” she murmured. How was she talking so calmly in this position and _how was he supposed to answer when her breast filled his entire vision?_  
He nodded. Somehow.  
“It's okay,” she whispered, and before he could react, she brought her free hand to hold her own breast and guided the nipple to Takumi's lips, then between them when he gasped.  
He panicked. But instead of pulling back (how was he supposed to anyway, in this position?), he just squeezed his lips a little tight as he tensed.  
Instead of chastising him like he thought she was sure to do, Camilla let out a small gasp.  
“Ah… please be careful, dear.”  
He opened his mouth to speak, on reflex, but it was still occupied—and besides, his brain reminded him as it started recovering, he had agreed to this! He was there of his own accord, and this was something he wanted to try, it was just that the specifics seemed so overwhelming.  
One step at a time, he told himself. Just like when you practice a new technique. One step at a time.  
Well, her breast was already in his mouth (it was fine as long as he didn't think about it too much and gave his brain time to loop back to panicking), so the next step would be… sucking, wouldn't it? And he might not remember the last time he was fed in such a manner, but he _did_ remember sucking on his own thumb as a child, and maybe that would work.  
So he pulled a little more into his mouth so he could actually get a decent grip, and sucked, squeezing a little with his lips.  
Something warm and sweet spilled on his tongue. He gasped (and almost choked on it in the process), then tried his best to swallow—there wasn't actually much but he'd been taken by surprise. This was _so embarrassing—_  
Above him, Camilla gave a sigh of relief and contentment.  
The storm in his head calmed. He was doing that for her, he remembered suddenly. Or, no, he was doing it _with_ her. He wanted to try what she had to share, to experience it with her, and he wanted to make her happy. So why was he panicking?  
Keeping his eyes on what he could see of her face, he tentatively brought one of his hands to rest on her breast, and when she gave him a small nod, he pressed lightly, pulling with his lips again.  
Milk spilled into his mouth again. He was prepared for it, this time, and could appreciate the taste—not quite what he had expected, and strangely flavourful, in fact. It felt richer, deeper than the milk he had been drinking until then, which he had always registered as a neutral kind of taste. Here, the sweetness complimented the slight salty quality of Camilla's skin and sweat, and it honestly was a combination he could come back for. He pulled again.  
“Good boy,” Camilla breathed, and unlike so many iterations of the words, this time they seemed to sneak past her lips entirely on reflex, heartfelt and uncalculated praise.  
It was when she wasn't trying, he thought, when the layers of artifice were stripped away and revealed that she _was_ , indeed, just as caring and protective and nurturing as she displayed to the world, that she could inspire the greatest loyalty—and the greatest motivation. Just like seeing her genuinely unleashed on the battlefield, her emotions and bloodlust bared, was ten times more terrifying and exciting than when she was playing at being scary.  
That the Norhian court of her youth had shaped such a passionate woman into a calculated picture of her own traits was honestly a tragedy.  
Emboldened by her appreciation, he went to work on drinking properly, or as properly as he could figure out on his own. Sucking too hard didn't seem to help the flow much, although it did make her gasp lightly, but gentle, repetitive movement coaxed the milk out, and within a couple of minutes, he had figured out a rhythm that he thought worked, and did his best to settle into it, absently kneading with his hand.  
Camilla sighed happily and tightened her hold on him, cradling him closer in that protective, possessive way of hers. Her face was fond and warm, and her eyes entirely focused on him, and he would have been horribly self-conscious if he hadn't been past that point by far. Instead, he felt himself blush and just kept going, savouring the sensations—and, indeed the taste.  
“… I've been thinking about this for a while,” she murmured, brushing some hair out of his face with her spare hand, and he closed his eyes at how _close_ everything felt. “It might be a silly indulgence, but.. I like being able to care for you in that way.” Her finger tips rubbed into his scalp, amost as if she were petting a cat. “… and it's my way of contributing to keeping you strong.”  
With his eyes closed, the world seemed to get smaller, comfortably smaller, in the same way that a pile of blankets created its own warm and safe little universe. All he could feel was Camilla's arms around him, the warmth of her skin in his mouth and under his hand and lips, her voice, and the taste that he was already getting used to, spilling gently over his tongue again and again.  
“I feel safer,” she admitted in a whisper, “when I can keep you safe.”  
There were a thousand things he could say to that, expressions of understanding that he was finally building, reassurances that he wasn't going anywhere, but he had never been that good at words even when his mouth wasn't occupied, and if Camilla wanted to express her feelings through actions, well… he could do the same. And thus he just rubbed his fingers into her breast reassuringly and put his everything into what he was doing, kneading and drinking until he forgot what the passage of time felt like.

He didn't know how long he had been drinking when one of his suckles came back empty, the change blinking him out of his focus—or lack of. He sucked again; nothing.  
“Ah, is it done already?” Camilla said. “A shame… I suppose I didn't have time to build up much.”  
She pulled back, and he blinked as the breast left his mouth.  
“B-build up?” he stammered, trying to regain control of his body and senses.  
“The more we do this, the more I will be able to give. Although it does take a rather strict routine. But I will be satisfied even with this once; thank you for indulging me.”  
“… and if we don't?”  
“Eventually, they will go back to normal.”  
He thought about it. The idea of doing this _regularly_ was making him dizzy, but on the other hand, letting all this go to waste after she'd put such effort into it felt like a sacrilege. And Camilla did it so happily and naturally; it seemed like her body had been made for this all along and she was only holding herself back.  
He rather preferred when Camilla _didn't_ hold herself back, in general.  
“… I wouldn't be opposed to trying it again,” he admitted.  
Camilla beamed. He had to remind himself again that he was a _married man_ and past the time of feeling paralysed in front of his crush—and that, in fact, if he wanted to kiss her breast again, _right now_ , there was nothing stopping him, except her.  
And so he did. After what he'd just done, just pressing his lips to her skin was easy.  
“My, my,” Camilla giggled, “someone's gotten bolder. This was a good idea.”  
“I can get bolder than this,” he muttered against her chest.  
She grinned, and as she did the happy, predatory glint came back to her eyes.  
“Is that so? Will you drink the other side, then? It _is_ feeling a little tight by now.”  
Takumi was drowsy from the cradling, and now that he thought about it, his jaw hurt a little.  
But he was never one to back down from a challenge.

**Author's Note:**

> And then she wakes him up with "breakfast" the next morning.


End file.
